When Gender Isn’t a Role, But an Expectation

I’ve found myself reflecting often on how strength and power are still so closely, and narrowly, tied to gender. But strength isn’t masculine or feminine. It’s human. I want a partner who sees it the same way, someone who doesn’t equate care with weakness or strength with dominance, someone who knows that carrying each other, emotionally, physically, spiritually, isn't about gender, but about balance.

From the moment we're born, we're categorized and shaped by a system that dictates how we should behave based on our biological sex. Pink for girls, blue for boys. This isn’t natural, it’s social conditioning. Gender is a construct. It’s not etched in our DNA, it’s taught, reinforced, and policed by the world around us.

As we grow, we mirror what we see. Children don’t come pre-loaded with stereotypes, they absorb them. And often, the behaviors they’re taught are sorted into ‘acceptable’ and ‘inappropriate’ categories based solely on gender. That’s where gender roles begin to take hold - with expectation.

Strength, power, and control are coded as masculine. Nurture, softness, and sacrifice are deemed feminine. These aren’t traits, we’ve turned them into rules. And yet, we continue to outfit male infants in blue and hand female infants dolls in pink frilly boxes. Ironically, these modern color associations didn’t even exist a century ago. We built this binary, and now we enforce it.

Our families, schools, media, religion, and even workplace cultures participate in this grooming process. And when you’re constantly exposed to such messaging, you start to believe that there’s a “right” way to be a woman or a man. It’s not self-discovery, it’s scripted performance.

As a kid, I never played with dolls. Not a single Barbie. Fairy tales didn’t enchant me. What did? Cars, puzzles, color pens, etc - anything that sparked creativity and problem-solving. I now understand and deeply appreciate the effort that went into giving me toys that engaged my brain, not my gender. And back then, these weren’t just harder to find - they were costlier. But they were worth it.

Gender roles didn’t disappear with childhood. They crept into classrooms, careers, and even the smallest social interactions. From boys obsessed with Cars and WWE to girls steered toward romantic dramas and reality TV, there’s always been a subtle push to conform. Even in workplaces, men rise faster, while women get boxed into roles and entire professions labeled as “female” or “male.” How is this evolution?

Sexism shows up in seemingly harmless ways, when a girl who likes football is dubbed a “tomboy,” or a boy who enjoys dance is called “girlish.” These aren’t quirks, they’re symptoms of a larger problem - the expectation that everyone must fit into neat little roles.

Take ambition. A confident, outspoken woman is often labeled “aggressive” or “difficult,” while the same traits in a man are celebrated. Or motorcycles - why is it automatically assumed a bike zooming past is ridden by a man? That’s gender stereotyping at play.

Most societies still operate on a binary model, man or woman, nothing in between. I believed that too, until I met someone who identified as gay. That encounter opened up an entire spectrum for me. From linear models of gender (ranging between masculine and feminine) to the more expansive gender continuum that includes fluid identities, I realized gender wasn’t just about body parts, it was about freedom, the freedom to be.

Much of who we become is shaped by the people we’re surrounded by. As children, we imitate. As adults, we internalize. And all along, we’re either rewarded or punished for conforming, or not.

What also caught my attention was how gender subtly exists even in language. Some languages assign words a gender, and the way they’re spoken or interpreted can differ based on who’s speaking. Even our communication isn’t neutral.

In cross-cultural psychological studies, women are often ranked higher in love and kindness, men in bravery and creativity. But this is skewed by exposure. Both genders are rarely offered the full emotional and intellectual spectrum. We’re not innately different, we’re differently encouraged.

So, step out of your comfort zone. Question what you’ve been told. Don’t let what’s expected define what’s possible. Build your strength profile - emotional, mental, physical - based on who you are, not what you were assigned at birth.

Disclaimer: Knowing how to cook, drive, swim, clean, do laundry, or understand the basics of housekeeping has absolutely nothing to do with gender roles. These are fundamental life skills - as basic and essential as brushing your teeth, taking a bath, eating, drinking, or sleeping. If your upbringing or environment didn’t present these as necessary, now is the time to change that. You have access to more resources and guidance than ever before. This isn’t about being male or female - it’s about being independent, competent, and self-aware across the entire gender spectrum.

Let gender differences not be your excuses, nor a precursor to protest. Let them be your invitation to push boundaries, take risks, embrace growth, and dive deep into understanding the roots of your thoughts and behaviors. Explore how they connect with your resilience, patience, empathy, strength, and your overall physical and psychosocial well-being.

You don’t need to follow a script. Write your own.